"You are NOT Captain-Save-A-Hoe!"

This post will either gain me some readers or cost me some readers. In either case I think it needs to be said. This particular post I’m directing to both my male and female friends and readers.

Ladies and Gentlemen raise your right hand and repeat after me, “I… AM NOT… CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE!”

Ladies and gentlemen, we both are consequently guilty of falling consistently for the wounded bird syndrome. We meet people who have gotten themselves into some form of disaster or another. They are lovely, good looking, people who consistently seem to need bailing out of one disaster or another. In exchange for your assistance, they promise eternal love and affection but only so long as you keep dumping money or time or energy into supporting them.

Both genders are guilty of falling for the scam; both genders are guilty of perpetuating the scam. And both of our genders need to garner our self-respect and stand up to the wounded doves. We need to stand strong and say “I AM NOT CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next time you find yourselves single and alone, you WILL find yourself getting called by someone you know. You WILL find yourself meeting someone and you WILL find yourself tempted by a wounded bird.

We all know the scenario. We find someone who has run out of money and is about to lose their house (for the fourth or fifth time). We find someone who has spent all their money frivolously and can’t get Christmas or Birthday presents for their own kids. We find someone who has no groceries to feed themselves or their kids. They got beat up by their ex (again) and they desperately need to crash at your house (preferably in your bed with you) and they desperately need your finances to keep themselves afloat.

So we ride into the rescue shouting "I WILL SAVE YOU!"

These “professional victims” for lack of better terms KNOW that we can and will ride to their rescue. We will pull out all the stops, sell all our worldly goods, and skip on time with all our most important people to cater to and attempt to heal our wounded creature. We think that in doing so, as so many horrible romance movies have tried to teach us, that they will be grateful for our love and want to stay with us. Instead, they are little more than parasites.

Once they bleed you dry of your time, your money, your resources, your energy, your mental resolve, and you finally reach a point where you have nothing left to give. You are a dried out husk and suddenly you realize that they are now looking for someone new to save them.

We all know why we do it, why we always rush to the rescue. Many of us are on a constant search for love and hope and the chance for a future. We grow up with the belief that kindness is key and truth be told IT IS! But we need to pick and choose carefully who we give to and how much.

Guard your hearts but given to those who truly are in need and learn to discern who those people are. Be strong and confident in who you are and recognize that you cannot buy affection from anyone. Don’t let anyone drain you of life.

YOU! YES YOU! YOU ARE NOT CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE!

“Why is my boyfriend still bothered by his ex-girlfriend cheating on him?”

Here’s the scenario. You find yourself dating a man whose ex-wife cheated on him and left him for another woman. They’ve been divorced three years since the incident and he’s only recently decided to step out into the dating scene.

You find the man becoming much more possessive and upset and he continues to call you incessantly demanding to know your whereabouts.

My first response is RUN!

My second response is to break up and find a more secure man.

But let me first answer the primary question here; what is the man thinking?

I will admit from past experience having a long standing history of Closet Lesbian Women who want me to be their last straight relationship. Somehow, they want me to prove to them one last time whether they are straight or not. All too often as the case may be, I find myself being left for another woman. Too often without even the benefit of a break up. No casual adult conversation saying “I think we should see other people.” No coffee and “It’s not you it’s me”. No… Too often it has been me catching her in the other woman’s arms, her tongue down her throat, her hand up her skirt, and I have to walk away.

The first time it happened, it hit like a baseball bat to the face. As a man, you think “How can I compete with that?” We think that we can compete with any man on the planet for our loves attention. We are taught to fight for our love. We are taught to do everything to keep the attention of our love. And if we are left for another man, well somehow he must have been better than us.

But we have no lessons for men these days that are left for other women. We have no way of dealing with the heartbreak of being cheated on with another woman. We can’t compete with the statement “You don’t have the right equipment I want.” It got so bad after so many "Bisexual" women I dated kept leaving me for other women that I decided that I'll personally never date a Bi-Girl again. If you'd even told me you kissed a girl and liked it, we were done at that moment. I couldn't risk being left a week later for a butch bridge building lesbian.

So we suffer with a brand new kind of hurt.

And some guys have a harder time getting over it than others.

I admit in all honesty… It took me ten years and the death of a good personal mutual friend before I finally forgave the first woman who left me for another woman. That’s a long, long time to hold on to a grudge.

This brings me to another issue men sometimes have difficult issues with. We hold grudges for decades. We are taught often to hate those who hurt us and find ways to take revenge whenever we can. We are taught to swallow our emotions and what that really breeds is a festering cesspool of garbage. Of which I have discovered the only freedom comes from personal forgiveness and letting go.

This man you may find yourself meeting, He’s suffering a heartache he hasn’t been taught how to deal with. He’s trying to internalize a hurt that we only recently have become more and more aware of.

But I will say this; he has to LET IT GO!

Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies.

Resentment is letting someone else live rent free in your head.

Let it go!

A month, two months after a break up of that cataclysmic proportion, its expected to hold on to a little bit of hurt. Three months, four months, five months, its time to start taking efforts to let life go forward.

But after six months if the man is still holding on to the hurt, there are deeper seated issues that he is dealing with besides just a bad break up. If after six months the man is still holding on to the pain of his ex-girlfriend or wife who left him for another woman, he is dealing with a greater issue of control and abandonment. He’s afraid and regretfully that fear manifests as abusive control and anger.

In this instance, you need to let him go yourself. You’ll find that if he is still dealing with these issues and he hasn’t let them go, then he will take his anger out on you because he hasn’t learned to deal with it in himself.

Dear gentlemen, if you’ve experienced this pain in your life, you have my honest and genuine sympathy. I know your pain. But find a healthy way to forgive and let it go before it consumes you. Believe me, after twenty some odd women who have left me for other women, I know what it feels like to be cheated on. But the greatest gift you can give yourself and your future love, is to forgive and let go.

And maybe this will help.

Let it Go by Voltaire

http://youtu.be/Wd7r2a82rmI