Is it time for him to change his Facebook status?

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.  Once again we have another question brought to us at the Ask a Male blog. 

Today's question is: 

"We've been together for quite some time and I've always kept my status up and public to say "In a Relationship".  I want the world to know I am with someone and with him.  What does it say about a guy who says he won't change his status to 'In a Relationship' with me? Why won't he change it for me?"

Some might be quick to prejudge this question but we here at the Ask a Male blog take all questions very seriously. Without questions, we don't have a blog to write. 

Social media has impacted relationships greatly since its inception.  The public portrayal of relationships and the public online statement gives many of us a sense of security in our status together.  We become proud of the person we are with and want others to see us "With Them". As couples, we like to show off. As single people, we long sometimes for the public approval of changing that status over to "In a Relationship"(I know I did). 

Researching this, I came up with a couple of different articles on the subject.  Neither of them positive. 

Psychology Today writes that this public display of affection might in fact be doing more damage than good? You can read the article HERE. 

The Huffington Post states that constant displays of "Togetherness" in fact demonstrate a direct sign of insecurity in the relationship.  Apparently the more "Couple" photos people post, the more apt they are to feel insecure about the future of their relationship.  Apparently it also applies to married couples as well. Something to consider while you read it HERE.

These two articles certainly paint the "Relationship Status" icon in a bad light.  That displaying you are in a couple overtly and extraneously is damaging and destructive.  In that sense, lambasting your friends list with cute pics of the two of you kissing can be damaging both to your friendships and your self esteem.  Too much of any good thing really reveals a host of flaws.

However... 

The innate need to keep all personal life details, including personal relationships, private; tends to make the author question the mans motivations. 

Why would a man NOT wan't to have his relationship status shown publically? 

Most men, if we are happy about the partners we have and are happy about our life situation, want to tell the world about the person we are with.  We want the world to know we have a Girlfriend.  We want to know that THIS Girlfriend is OUR OWN... Our precious if you will. 

If we are indeed intent on pursuing this woman we've found, we are intent on telling the world at least in a strong emphatic way "I choose you!" 

Most of us, if we are secure in our lives, don't date to play.  We date for the hope of finding a future. 

If we are however NOT happy with our situation in whatever sense, we tend to become pretty secretive in nature.  We hide our emotions, because our western society teaches us that men aren't supposed to have emotions.  We hide our wants and desires because we don't know how to deal with them.  

Further, if we don't want to make that public declaration of the person we are with right off, something deeper seated is wrong. 

Maybe we are hiding from something that embarasses us and we are hoping you don't find out. 

Maybe we are afraid that the public might judge us for the choice of love we found. 

Maybe we aren't ready for a full time commitment and (sadly) might have something on the side. 

Whatever the reason, if we are telling you that we aren't READY to tell the world we are with you, we are admitting something is really wrong with the situation.  The only way to find out what that is, is to start and open and honest and most importantly safe discussion with us to find out why we aren't making that commitment a public statement. 

If we aren't willing to make that commitment and we aren't willing to talk about why, then ladies this is your pro-tip from a male... RUN!  Don't walk, just get away from him because you are setting yourself up for sheer heartbreak. 

Now, I can't say for certain WHY your guy won't change his status. But guys, if it's important to the person you love, you do it for them. Be proud of the lady you are with and tell the world you are with them. 

If you are reading this and you find yourself convicted and you want to change your relationship status (quietly), then follow the instructions HERE. 

Ladies, the right guy will do so much more than just change his "Relationship Status" for you. 

If you have a question for the Ask a Male blog, drop a comment below. We can't keep running without your questions so... Have at it! 

Hair or no hair? What do men really prefer?

So, for the first time in a long time, I have a new question to answer on the Ask a Male blog.  We received the following from an anonymous reader: 

We often see women in porn having absolutely no pubic hair. I also know many women that go to all sorts of trouble to make it bare. Do men really prefer their mates to look like children or porn stars?

 

Prior to the early 1900's women in western society seldom would shave.  After all, few people would be allowed to view the legs, armpits, or pubic areas outside of the husband. 

In old sailor stories, it used to be said that "Hairy Women were better".  Science later asserted that women with beards and pronounced body hair often had a higher testosterone balance and therefore were sometimes more aggressive. As to whether they were "better" sexually speaking? Well, we'll get to that.  

The article HERE gives a brief overview of the traceable history of western cultural norm of women shaving. It is interesting to note that in Islamic Regions, women remove all body hair prior to the wedding night.  ...and so do the men. Some prefer keeping it this way all through their marriage. Porn stars and London Prostitutes were not the originators of the shaven pubic area. 

There are of course hundreds of different explanations as to why the shaving practice became commonplace, but lets focus on the question posed. 

Do men prefer women having a shaved pubic area? 

The short answer is: It depends on the male. 

When one does a google search "Shaved or Unshaved Pubes", one is confronted by hundreds of forums asking men (or internet trolls), Which is better for you sexually, shaven or unshaven? 

The responses range from Shaved to Hairy, to every request of for unimaginable dye jobs and shaven shapes to trim hair into. So, one must infer that there are a myriad of preferences that men desire. Everyone is different with different tastes. 

Everyone has their opinion on what they like and don't like. 

The most common turn off the author found in researching it was "No Hedgehogs!"  That moment where in growing out hair that it is stiff and prickly to the touch, seems to put quite a few men off.  Yet a small minority emphatically insisted they enjoy it nonetheless. 

(Oh sure he's cute, but he has a prickly demeanor)

In the early 90's, it became fashionable for porn stars to shave.  Not entirely because it was a male preference, but because it made it easier to get a proper camera and lighting angle.  Hair as a rule tends to absorb light and make a shot difficult to pull off. Which is why the 70's and 80's porn shots, aside from using grainy film and low light, look so dimly lit. (Amazing the things you learn in community college, thank you LCC!) 

What is interesting to note is that culture writers examining the porn industry saw that many of the women were shaved, but seemed to ignore that many of the men were also.  You can't capture the "action" as it were with hair in the way. 

The market for shaved porn stars did generate a market for men desiring women with shaved pubic areas and for a while many female bloggers wrote that they were glad to comply. Some, even cited that they felt "cleaner" for doing so.  Others felt that the shaven trend ignited a desire for "younger" looking women and made them look child like. 

Certainly the age play market of porn does indeed seem to fit that possible conclusion. However, porn being a service industry market, soon realized that marketing to only the camera operator or to the single minded unshaven market left them soon without enough fans to support the industry.  The fact that people were giving away the product for free on the internet along with a myriad of other body types and preferences soon caught the industry off guard and losing monetary funds quickly.  The industry is currently in a tailspin trying to find ways to garner paying clients while combatting free internet sharing of pics and videos. 

The author doesn't predict the formalized Porn industry to last long. It's impact on society seems to be waning. 

HERE is an article from the Huffington Post about the porn industry in decline. (Personally I won't miss it.)

The Internet however on a simple google search of "Shaven Vs. Unshaven" can yield a very interesting collage of what preferences the world searches for. Do so with caution... 

What this male would say to women who are curious about what preferences your partner desires most is to simply inquire with open and honest communication. What does your partner find most appealing?  Then ask yourself, "Am I willing to give that to my partner?"  

Your partner if he cares about you will enjoy the open communication.  

If you ask the author, he'll tell you that he doesn't care whether the pelvic region is hairy or not. To me, that's a trivial notion.  Personality matters more than hair. 

I would also add that any man who DEMANDS you be one way (Hairy or Shaven), in any respect, he isn't really caring for you.  He is caring solely for himself and his gratifications. A quality relationship between two people requires that you both are willing to give and compromise. If he says "You gotta shave if you want to be with me"... Let him go. 

(Because its so cute to treat people like garbage)

Not because he's got an idea of what he wants.  But because his idea of what he wants means keeping you under his thumb. And if its this one "small thing", it eventually turns into bigger more horrific things.  "Do what I say, when I say it, or you're worthless." That ladies... Is what many of us call "Abuse". 

And ladies, you deserve better than this. 

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