The question is: Why does my boyfriend get upset when I hug my guy friends in front of him?
There are actually several different reasons for this, but I’ll try to address the most obvious.
The first and usually foremost reason guys have issue with this is just plain insecurity. If a guy is getting irate with you hugging men in front of you that both you and he know, if he’s possessive and controlling enough to say you cannot have interaction with any guy friends in a physical manner than there is a rock solid sign that he holds you as nothing more than his object and HIS property and it’s best to cut him loose.
However…
If you have a secure boyfriend who is legitimately ok with you and your guy friends, then there might be another reason the gentleman is getting upset.
If for example your relationship is secure and your gent is secure enough to be legitimately ok with your guy friends, then there is another reason he might be getting angry. Most secure guys are ok with you having guy friends and indeed encourage you to explore having friends outside of your own relationship. It’s healthy and indeed recommended.
However, ladies, you have to recognize that there is a difference between verbal and non-verbal communication and some guys are VERY sensitive to non-verbal clues. If for example you are out with your guy and you spot your “Gay Roommate from College who saved your life that day” and we’ve never met him… Running to give him a flying tackle hug sends a non-verbal message to us of “I want you Mr. Sexy Metrosexual!” If you for example tell us you feel sad and don’t want to be touched and instead turn to hug one of your male friends in front of us, it says to us “I don’t want to be with you anymore, I want to be with him.”
The key to any successful relationship is communication, both ways, and trust going both ways. Men have feelings that are just as easily hurt as yours ladies. We just aren’t taught to talk about them. We are taught to bottle them up and swallow them and never deal with them… And that’s unhealthy too. If your boyfriend is upset with you hugging other men, ask yourself “WHY?”
Is it because he’s jealous and controlling? Then it’s best to end it with a conversation simply and maturely stating this isn’t working out for me.
Is it because he feels you’ve sent a message to him about your intents? Ask him why he feels that is what you said by your actions and ask him what he thinks it meant to you. Talk to your man… Clarify what you mean when the situation arises. If he loves you, he’ll respect you.
And ladies… It serves no purpose to play head games to make your boyfriend jealous. What you’re really saying to us is “I want to hurt you, I don’t care about you.” When you begin to rephrase it in such terms and recognize you don’t wish it returned on you… You begin to recognize how important it is to treat others as you would wish to be treated.
While as a woman, I understand we tend to interact with others (men included) differently, and more physically, than men do, I have point out the obvious, 'how many women would be comfortable with their men hugging other women'? Both are equal and involve a male and a female putting their arms around each other. That being said, I think there's also a fine line when it comes to hugs - the very brief, touching primarily at the shoulder level is usually not anything to worry about; on the other hand, a hug that connects from the cheek to waist, or lingers, is certainly more intimate, and raises more cause for concern.
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