Saturday, December 17, 2011

Can Women really be friends with a guy?


Is it really so wrong to be a good friend? Or are you solely so consumed with getting tail?


This is one of those common questions that seem to come up regularly. What it really comes down to is how you establish the boundaries of your relationship in the beginning and how you go about maintaining your friendship. Let me explain…

There are many scenarios where men and women by nature MUST interact on a friendly basis. Work, Class, Volunteer Projects, Buying Groceries… The fact is we live in a society where everyone must get along. I will therefore attempt to give your insight (as this blog is intended to do) on how men think.

We are conditioned to constantly be on the search for a new relationship when we are single. We are conditioned to constantly observe the object of our lust and covet being with her. We are taught, in essence, to always be on the prowl. Hallmark and Disney teach women (I observe this as a dad) that the Prince Charming will come and sweep you off your feet and he’ll be the most amazing man you’ve ever met and you’ll be in love at first sight. The messages are decidedly mixed, love at first sight or lust at first sight.

When we get older, hopefully by College or at least late in High School, we learn that neither ideal is really suitable. We learn eventually (usually after a horrible mistake) that learning to trust in either ideal leaves us very wanting and broken.

Men… Learning to go out on the prowl as a young single lad often encounters hundreds of women they find attractive. In my case, probably thousands of women I find moderately attractive. Sure, I will freely admit as a guy that there is ALWAYS a deep seated thought in the back of every man’s head (and in his groin) that screams “I wonder what she might feel like?” However, we have the obligation and the responsibility to put our lust in check and tell it sit and behave. We have the obligation to get to know someone as a person beyond what our lust wants, desires, and craves.

The theory is that a Man’s Lust will always override the ability for a man to maintain a relationship with women. I find this to be absolute Bovine Scat! For a couple of reasons:

One: Men aren’t the only one with a lust drive. Lots of women also have sexual attraction that they deal with when encountering men. In many situations where I have discussed it with other women, it is every bit as strong and gut wrenching a desire for women as it is for men.

Two: We both have a choice we can make in how we let that sexual desire and attention work for or against us.

When we first meet a new friend we find attractive, we both have a right and an obligation to put the sexual attraction away and on a shelf. We set up our own boundaries first and foremost to protect both our own interests and our new friend’s interests. And then, we choose to get to know each other as people. Not as things.

This brings me to the all-encompassing dating issue of “The Friend Zone”. The dreaded place no guy honestly wishes to find himself in.

The Friend Zone is that place where you find a love object of complete romantic interest and upon expressing your interest in said party; you receive the dreaded “I just want to be friends” statement.

We as guys are taught this is the worst scenario to be in. We are “in love” (in reality we are fapping to the idea of being intimate with our object of affection) but we can’t reconcile our “feelings” with the person who has now rejected us.

Guys… GET OVER IT! Women are not objects for us to stick our penises into and sex doesn’t always equal love. If a girl says she just wants to be friends, let her. You might find she is every bit as great a friend as you might need.

Ladies… Once you’ve established that you’re only interested in being friends, DON’T LEAD US ON! It’s not cute to glompf on our lap, hang off us, cuddle or kiss us if all you want because you’ve now told us we are only “just friends”. Friends don’t treat each other this way.

I can honestly say I have a large amount of female friends in life. None of whom do I sleep with, do I kiss, do I cuddle. They are however highly valued in my life as people who council me, share my happiness, share my joy, and my adoration. Give them respect and you’ll gain a wonderful new perspective.


Best Friend by Queen

http://youtu.be/HaZpZQG2z10

1 comment:

  1. Heres my 2 bits on it. The friend zone is only relevant if its someone you want to have sex with. Thats really the only time it comes into account. I have lots of female friends, because we worked through the sexual issues, or perhaps their simply was no attaction, and I can enjoy hanging out with them.

    But really it is both parties responsibility to step back, think about what they are wanting and really consider what that friendship means to them. If your interested in dating her, freaking ask. The friend zone happens because guys are passive agressive, they do that entire "ill be nice to her and be her friend and she'll eventually fall for me" otherwise known as the "Nice Guy Syndrome" and that shit just doesnt work.

    If you have the hots for her..tell her. In plain words. Then she will tell you what she thinks, and then you can decide can you be friends, or is that sexual tension gonna bother you.

    Now this isnt accounting for the women who see this, and will string a guy along because they want the attention, and dont want to say no but really have no interest in you, but want you to think they do untill they find the next guy that the really do like. Bitches like that can die in a fire.

    And dont think in any means that this is a one way road. I know guys that play this same game with girls, it goes both ways and sometimes people just need a good shanking.

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