This...
Or this?
Tell me dear reader, which is sexier? A skinny woman you can count the ribs on or a confident woman with something extra? In reality, it all boils down to simple personal preference. Beauty is in the eye of the holder.
We as men have all kinds of different pressures thrust upon us, but some behaviors I genuinely am sickened by.
This is one of those scenarios I regard as douchebaggery of the first rate. It is largely a learned behavior that we as men are taught by society and are encouraged to endorse and pass down to our little ones. What I can offer is a possible explanation, not an excuse, because for me to excuse it is for me to encourage it to continue.
If you recall in my prior blog explaining how men view sex, we are encouraged from a very early age to seek out sex. We have no lives if we don’t have sex. We have no future if we don’t have sex. So we are drilled in our heads to seek out sex. We are encouraged to brag about, our conquests, our one night stands, our “endless” streams of pornographic midnight joy rides. And we are taught to view sex AS our relationship. In today’s society, overweight people are becoming more and more frowned upon. We are taught to view them as disgusting and reviled. Which is interesting because only a very tiny fraction of women in American society fits into the model image of women?
This is where the douche bag cycle begins.
Men find themselves stuck in an interesting quandary. We are told to chase sex, we are told to pursue someone who will take us, and we are told to brag about it. Obviously there are woman out there who we find attractive that society dictates we shouldn’t. We seduce them, sleep with them, and kick them away because our needs are satisfied. We make up some story about “The Perfect 10” we slept with the night before. That is… Until we realize the fruits of our indiscretions and it comes back to haunt us. Truth always comes out.
People find out that we were with; suddenly we are chastised for our choice of bed partner simply because she doesn’t fit the model mold of what we should want. Our friends make fun of us, our friends laugh at us, and we turn our anger back on our former partner. It becomes “her fault” for our ostracizement. So we begin to trash talk and slam her to our friends and suddenly she becomes a “Slut” or a “Whore” for simply trying to have a relationship with someone.
This kind of cycle keeps repeating and I get more than disgusted when I see it. And the truth is, it isn’t just overweight women that this behavior hurts. The physically handicapped, women of different minorities, virtually anyone society says is "unworthy" can be a victim of this cycle.
Men, it's our job to do something about it. We can break this cycle and put an end to it.
My view is that Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I find it more than hypocritical for me an overweight man to make an issue of my love interests weight. To me, it’s a non-issue. I have dated many women all across the height and weight spectrum and the truth is, large or small, heavy or light, every woman is a gem. Every woman is something special to treasure and honor and cherish. And so long as I am willing to treat my future love with respect and honor and dignity, I can only hope she is willing to treat me with the same in return.
I will admit in my own life however to receiving similar treatment by women. Being someone who could be used, manipulated, slept with, and yet easily discarded. And I will freely admit to you ladies having dealt with douchebags who have rejected you for being overweight that it hurts us every bit as much to be rejected for being fat, being ugly, or being unlovable all in favor for a “hotter model.”
I can’t begin to profess how women think, but maybe perhaps it is more a societal problem rather than a Men or Women problem.
Until then, I still stand by Freddy Mercury. Fat Bottom Girls make the rockin world go round.
Fat Bottom Girls by Queen.
As a plus sized woman, who has also been a 'skinny b****' at a point in her life, I have lived on all four ends of the spectrum. The skinny girl with skinny guys, the skinny girl with fat guys, the fat girl with skinny guys and the fat girl with fat guys.
ReplyDeleteMy personal preference has come down to the tall skinny male. Why? I can't honestly say. Maybe it's societal ingraining, maybe it's something else. It doesn't mean that men of weight can't be everything to a woman. Not at all. I have seen it with my own eyes, and until trust was betrayed, even felt it.
Perhaps my preference has come down simply to the fact that, I want a man who is considered a 'man's man' but who is ready and willing to accept me as I am, and flaunt me to his friends, my added weight and all.
Does it mean I will stay fat? Of course not. I choose to live my life at the weight I am or at a lesser number. But what it comes down to for me is, I want a man who accepts me no matter my weight. A man who is excited when I lose the weight? Kind of awesome, because of the support, but kinda 'eh' because apparently on some level he was not impressed with me.
But a man who loves me overweight so much that he would PREFER me to be fat? No thank you. I will not endanger my health just because a man thinks it's sexier.
So, I kinda got off on a tangent there. But basically, women suffer some of the same things. I personally believe it is a societal thing, and one that should be abandoned, but alas, never will.
Also? This is just ONE woman's point of view. Perhaps it's different for another woman. Just as our beloved author's POV is guaranteed to be different than another male's.
Here's a question I'll throw out there. Are you with your significant other because he's sexy or because he treats you with respect?
ReplyDeleteI think the clarification conundrum here is, does my partner treat me with respect or are they with me because I'm all they can get at the time?
Thank you for adding to the discussion, it is greatly appreciated and valued.
Wonderfully done! Beautifully said! Thank you for taking it on, for shedding some light, and being so honest and forthright!
ReplyDelete"I have dated many women all across the height and weight spectrum and the truth is, large or small, heavy or light, every woman is a gem." Awww I love that!
ReplyDeleteI won't lie that yes, my partner is amazingly sexy to me. But that's not why I fell for him. I fell for him because he respects me, loves me, and cared when no one else did. Plus, we weren't even dating yet, and he sacrificed his entire day blowing off his friends just so he could spend it with me and make me feel better. And he had already committed to a COD tournament with his buddies. As a gamer girl, that one meant a lot to me. Lol
ReplyDeleteI have to agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, for me, personality and character really make or break a man in my eyes. As far as physical appearance, I think that's what initially attracts to begin with. Me personally I tend be more inclined to a shaved head and goatee.
ReplyDeleteThe outward expression of being a manly man is alright as long as you can back it up and fix the sink (or whatever). Just be yourself.
I think women also fall into the category of societal pressure of the Calvin Klein model being the "ideal" man. Society pressure via advertising or programming has hit an all time low.
Marilyn Monroe is still queen of the pin ups in my eyes, and she was size 14. Which sadly today is considered plus sized. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.
I hope this doesn't sound like I am trying to boost my own ego. But I have never understood the size thing. As long as she is healthy, you know what I mean, It has never bothered me. Hell to put it simply I would have no problem admitting I was dating the woman in the top picture or of any size as long as we were both health happy, and safe. Just saying......
ReplyDeleteAs a woman on the larger end of the spectrum I can't say I've faced this problem. I've encountered more down-putting and scorn from other women in my life than I've ever faced from men. My weight, or the weight of the person I'm with hasn't been a problem in any of my relationships. In fact I tend to make more of a big deal about my extra baggage than my boyfriend ever has. At the moment I'm with a man who could probably wear my pantleg as a skirt if he so wished to, and yet he still calls me beautiful. There are guys out there that don't follow societal pressure, you just have to look for them. And communicate, before you ever think of dating someone you should get to know them. Those issues will come out in a friendship just as readily as they will in a relationship only without half as much of the heartache.
ReplyDeleteI like me a proper hourglass figure :) You just dont find those on the skinny wretches :)
ReplyDeleteI love a woman with curves...I date women with curves...hell I married a woman with curves (granted I also divorced a woman with curves...but thats not the point) I love curves
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time for you personally to share such a nice info. I definitely enjoying every little bit of it. It is a great website and nice share.
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