Since I’ve started writing the “Ask a Male” blog, I occasionally get some rather entertaining questions that I am sure are meant to generate a laugh. Still, I intend to handle them as seriously as I can (and if you know me, it’s still tongue in cheek at best.) This particular stumper question I am sure is going to cause more than a few of my close friends to look askew and utter a quiet (or loud) “what?!” Let’s face facts folks; there is no “classy” way to discuss Anal Sex frankly and openly. But I’ll give it a shot in writing.
Years ago, the concept of Anal Sex was something of an anathema to western minds. The idea was thought to be disgusting and vile, even “sinful” even in the bounds of a committed marriage. The sexual revolution of the 60’s threw away the handed down morality of our forefathers who claimed to base their morality on biblical ideals. Now, I could write entire dissertations on the concept of religious abuse, but let me just say from my own personal perspective, morality is not meant to be something you brow beat people into following. I digress… The Sexual revolution of the 60’s threw off the word of mouth ideal of sexual morality and people began to explore new ideas. “Free Love” opened up doorways for all kinds of sexual exploration. Still, the concept of a straight and committed monogamous couple engaging in Anal Sex as a form of pleasure remained a rather dirty and taboo idea usually only associate with Gay Male relationships. A rather applied stereotype if you will.
Years later, straight couples began to find the freedom to express the fact that they too enjoy sharing an act of anal intercourse and that many women do find it pleasurable. But why do men want it in the first place? Isn’t a vagina more pleasurable?
There are as many reasons why men want anal intercourse as there are men who desire it. But I think I can at least attempt to sum it up in a few different categories for you ladies out there.
Let me first answer this question. Is a Vagina or an Anus better? The real answer is, neither is better than the other. Honestly from a sexually active male’s perspective, both are equally as enjoyable but for different reasons. From a man’s perspective, a Vagina is (usually) self-lubricating and contains a different set of muscle groups that have their own pleasurable sensations to us. An anus to a man’s perspective is not self-lubricating requiring a hefty amount of lube to go with it, but the muscle groups and large amount of blood flow make for a much warmer and different form of pleasure.
Sexually active men want to enjoy the partner they are with. They want to explore every part of the partner they have. When a man finds a woman sexually attractive, we take in ALL the details we find attractive about that person.
As previously discussed in my blog about Breast Obsession, mean actually find many different facets of a woman attractive. And yes, men like me, sometimes first glance at posteriors first before any other feature. When we engage in an act of sexual intercourse, we are taking in every detail about our partner. The feel of your skin, the smell of your hair, the smell of your breath, the look in your eyes, the sounds you make. We want to take in (and let you take us in) every part of you.
So when we ask you for anal intercourse, sometimes it’s because it’s just one more part of you we want to experience.
It still holds an element of the taboo and the dirty that we find fascinating. So when we ask, often times we are more intent on discovering more about you mentally than we are physically. After all, a woman who is willing to allow herself to be open to that idea is intriguing.
Some guys, they have an attachment to the power and control that they think anal intercourse grants them. These are guys who tend to rush into things headlong without asking and really hurt and scar their loving partners emotionally as well as physically. We’ll discuss this in a bit.
The real trick and tip is that everything done in a loving monogamous relationship should be done with the aid of a hefty amount of communication and understanding. A loving caring partner will ask “Love, would you be willing to try this with me?” Ladies you have EVERY right to say NO to any request we make. It is your body, your choices. We have no right to force you or manipulate you into any sexual act. If you agree to it, then sit down and discuss how you plan on going about engaging in it. There is a right and a wrong way to engage in anal sex.
Dr. Christine Melrod has a couple great videos discussing proper methods for preparing and making Anal Sex better.
Here’s a couple links.
The real key to remember is: Communication first and foremost. You have to be willing to talk about wants and needs and expectations. You also have to have trust built up with your partner.
Always make sure you are protected.
And ladies, always remember that you have the right to tell your partner NO at any given time. Gents, we have an obligation to respect our partner and that means respecting her emotions above and beyond our own gratification.
Gent’s if you feel the need to push the envelope as it were and manipulate or power trip your partner into something, you risk doing serious harm to your partner. Emotionally, physically, and really you can do lifelong damage. This goes for any sexual act, not just an anal exploration.
All things in a loving relationship require trust, communication, understanding, and love. My last two shiny pennies on the subject.
KT Tatara’s song on the subject.