This admittedly is an interesting question for me to handle. Mostly because growing up I’ve always felt that when I got a cold or flu, I should just “Suck it up Buttercup!”
That having been said, men often like to complain about ailments every bit as much as women do. Now, I’ll postulate dear writer of the interrogatory that you yourself are possibly in a committed relationship of some sort. So let me approach it from that angle.
Guys network and talk with other guys. We air our complaints with other guys about our ailments and sometimes we swap war stories about it. Usually though the camaraderie also comes with a fair amount of “Alright, suck it up now.”
So when we find ourselves in a committed relationship where our girlfriend or wife becomes our world, we find ourselves often cutting ourselves off from the groups of men we used to kvetch to. So we turn to the person we feel is our new best friend and we share our feelings, one hopes in way that will be received safely.
Now, I understand that most women view men differently. I won’t begin to bridge the idea of how women think compared to how men think, but in my experience men are supposed to be viewed as stolid and unwavering vanguards of strength and endurance. We aren’t supposed to talk about our being sick. We are just supposed to suffer through it.
Now I’ll also admit that many guys in our generation weren’t raised with the best example of stolid endurance. Some of us were largely raised by complainers and whiners. Mom, if you’re reading this, I’m not saying it’s you. I’m just simply saying that we were raised by people who kvetched about everything from Gorbechav to Reagan to Luke and Laura. So colds and flus became natural fodder to vent.
My advice to men is this. Realize that your significant other isn’t always going to communicate to you the way your bros do. Sure, she may be as comfortable to you as “One of the guys” but ultimately she communicates differently. Let her know you’re in pain, and then let it go.
Ladies.. Accept the fact that men do have feelings, we do hurt, and we do like to vent every bit as much as you do. But yes, there are times when it’s okay to tell us “enough is enough.”
I found out on my own that when my husband is sick, its that he wants my care and attention, to let me know I am needed and he knows I am there for him. As a natural caretaker, I am fine with this. Thanks for the blog.
ReplyDeleteI know in many cases at least for myself. I spend most of my time when I am well taking care of other people (I work in a healing profession), so when I am sick I sort of want to relax and have someone else do the work for me.
ReplyDeleteFor alot of men I think its also that they never learned to deal with physical illness, and dont know how to manage a house on their own, so when they are home, they dont know how to make their own food, take care of a kitchen, eat healthy to take care of their sickness, and need someone else to walk them through the whole damn process.
"Leshrac said...
ReplyDeleteFor alot of men I think its also that they never learned to deal with physical illness, and dont know how to manage a house on their own, so when they are home, they dont know how to make their own food, take care of a kitchen, eat healthy to take care of their sickness, and need someone else to walk them through the whole damn process."
While I cant speak for every male I can say for myself (and I feel I can speak for Bill as well here) that this is patently untrue.
Having both grown up in homes where we had chores and responsibilities we both learned how to take care of ourselves.
I do have to agree with what GamerAnieca said though. When Iam sick I want to feel loved and cared for.
I dont think it has to do with our wives or girlfriends being our entire world and thusly cutting ourselves off from male friends (if your doing that in a relationship then its extremely unhealthy and you need to re-evaluate that relationship, but I do feel that when we are sick is when we need to have a sense of security and to feel like someone gives a shit about us
This is late in the game but...I'm pretty positive when this question is being asked it's not referring to the complaints in general, but the fact that when we, as women (generally mothers) are sick, we STILL tend to the kids (if that's our roll in the house), and do everything else, when all we want is a nap and to curl up in bed away from the kids complaining, wanting more and more things. Where guys often seclude themselves to the bedroom and go to bed. Gee must be nice! I just pulled my neck and upper back an hour ago. My husband (of 13 1/2 years) was sitting there playing computer games. Our 2 year old needed a diaper change (nothing nasty, and we have 3 kids, he KNOWS how to change a diaper), but did he get up to do it? (and it was mentioned! It wasn't that I just felt it needed to be done, he KNEW it did) No, I had to get up to do it and it fricken hurts! He knew I was in pain. He knew it needed to be done. But he's tired. Seriously??? I get 4-6 hours of sleep per night and I can manage to live life. That is what this question entails.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a valid complaint. We as guys have an obligation to do our part in a committed relationship to help our partner. We have a responsibility (especially if we want our marriage to work) to do something for our partner and let them know they are appreciated. When I initially wrote this, I felt like it was more an issue of communication and the differences we have in genders in how we communicate. I will wager though that if a partner isn't doing his share while sick, then he really needs to get going and do his part. Thank you for commenting, it is appreciated.
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